Programming joke

[JohnW@Wessex]

Here's one i heard a long time ago.

A manager, hardware engineer and software engineer are in a car travelling across a twisty mountain road. Suddenly the car inexplicably swerves from side to side only stopping just before the car plunges into the ravine.

Manager:
"Let's call out the recovery services and get it to a workshop".

Hardware engineer:
"Let's see if we if we can fix it ourselves".

Software engineer:
"Let's drive further down the road and see if it happens again".

[zkidkid]

Yeah I had a other too.

< However I don't sure that I remember exactly >

Oneday a little children asks his father " How were I born ? ".
The father said that " Your mother and me are connecting by usb, I have sent her some data, but we don't install any antivirus program, your mama also don't turn on her firewall, althought we has tried to format and clean anything I can, After 9 months and 10 days you were born"

:) Sorry for my poor language Hope you understand what I mean.

[toraj58]

a programmer was near to drown in the sea; suddenly he screamed F1, F1... F1

[TheCPUWizard]

i programmer was near to drown in the sea; suddenly he screamed F1, F1... F1

I found him as he washed ashore....Tryied to CTRL-ALT-DEL, but he stayed Blue (screen of) Death.... :eek:

[toraj58]

two stuffs from MicroSoft bought no ticket for traveling with train.
two stuffs from Oracle bought just one.
and two stuff from SUN also bought just one.

all of them entrained.

during the checking of the tickets both guys from Oracle went to a single WC and when the cop knocked the door and asked for ticket they give him the only one they had.

when guys from sun went into WC then Microsoft guys knocked the door and said ticket please and those guys from SUN gave them the ticket then they came out from the WC and MicroSoft guys entred and real COP came and knocked the door and they gave him the only ticket have gaind from from SUN.....

Result:

1- SUN guys arrested
2- Two Oracle guys traveled with one ticket
3- MicroSoft guys traveled with NO ticket!!!

who is smarter? maybe: COP :))

[Strix Varia]

A man goes into a pet store and tells the clerk "I'd like to buy a C monkey, please." The clerk whistles, and a monkey jumps onto the counter with a $100 price tag hanging around his neck.

"This is your average C monkey." the clerk says. "He writes very short, fast code."

The man thinks, looks around, and says "What about that monkey over there? How come he's got a $200 price tag?"

"Well," says the clerk, "That monkey can program in C, C++, and Python."

"Oh," says the man, "Maybe I should get that one in stead."

Then the man spots yet another monkey and exclaims "Wow! That monkey is $1000! What does he do?" To which the clerk replies "Well, I haven't seen him do anything yet, but he says he's a consultant."

[toraj58]

lol.....very funny

[toraj58]

someday a programmer recieve a package that on it was written: Caution! Don't cut you hand; it is Sharp

then programmer open the package to see what is in it; guess what was in it!!!!

[toraj58]

one day a C++ programmer and a JAVA programmer were wandering in the jungle and suddenly a Python bite one of them!

[Khiem]

I don't have a joke.
But I know when the prey are online
Site managers all have jokes to tell.
I am telling everyone a joke.
I know now how the joke turns
Into real stories.
I know also how happy I am.
You too.

[kabilius]

Heheh, thanks for the jokes, I got a good laugh while eating my breakfast ... =)

[Marie Mih]

I bought my computer at $2000 2 years ago. Now he is completly down, and I can not dump him, because there is no place for me to throw him in. The only way I can do is to undress him completely. And I see....his CPU, all the veins around the boardie, looks so really cute. I can see his fan, his slots of memory. I don't deny the fact that I can touch his CPU too.
A strange thing, when I just power off the computer, I put my fingers around the CPU and I feel titatetuto. What a nice little electriccal shock it offers me darn good!

[kabilius]

I bought my computer at $2000 2 years ago. Now he is completly down, and I can not dump him, because there is no place for me to throw him in. The only way I can do is to undress him completely. And I see....his CPU, all the veins around the boardie, looks so really cute. I can see his fan, his slots of memory. I don't deny the fact that I can touch his CPU too.
A strange thing, when I just power off the computer, I put my fingers around the CPU and I feel titatetuto. What a nice little electriccal shock it offers me darn good!

I am not quite sure what exactly this joke means, but it doesn't seem to be "safe for work!" =p

[Buzzyous]

The wife of a programmer to his husband:
Darling,
I'm starting to get a little worried about your work; you work too much...
you spend more time with your CPU than with me... You program too much...

Her husband answers, to calm her:
!Honey;
if(you.IsThinking(this)) !Worry;
CLove* myself = new CLove; //I love you darling
while(world.DoExist())
{
myself->m_bLoveForYou++;
if(!myself->IsTrue())
{
delete myself;
_exit(-1);
}
}

[marceln]

Doesn't really fit in here, but: http://blogs.msdn.com/architectsrule/archive/2008/07/01/real-life-dilbert-manager-quotes.aspx

[dglienna]

I am not quite sure what exactly this joke means, but it doesn't seem to be "safe for work!" =p


Seems to have stumped GOOGLE as well?

[toraj58]

my friend told this joke to me yesterday:

Two computer engineer driving a car and suddenly they notice one of the lights is not working. one of them say please switch off the car then switch on again!

[njwoods]

hello all,
Some funny ones here for a Friday afternoon----thanks.

I especially like the one from "Buzzyous"----very good!!

----A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”

To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”------

for all your computer educational information....elearning (http://www.kalliance.com/)

[Khiem]

1. A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”

To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”

That's odd! If smoking could kill any men, then women already refused to smoke. :LOL:


2. Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Is there any exception thrown after a while in the shower room ? I too am curious.